I'm not talking about this kind of meltdown. The world is melting around me but I'm talking about the other kind.
I went to bed Tuesday night feeling fine and then I suddenly realized......the tree that was just outside my window every night for almost 30 years was not there anymore. I used to open my curtains and watch it sway in the wind, glisten with rain and collect snow. I cried and cried and cried.
I planted it to give me some privacy from the neighbors in front of us and now I have none. No open curtains at night for me anymore. They can see me and I can see them.
No more wind chime that tinkled from it's branches in the breeze. It would lull me to sleep. I never realized how much it meant to me until right then and it was awful. I had lost a friend.
It was my sad little Christmas tree that was bent when one of the kid's friends backed into it years and years ago.
It made a great backdrop for mug shots of woolly things.
The whole time we were pulling it off the house and cutting it up I never gave it a thought. It didn't hit me until I looked out that window and it wasn't there. It was shocking to be grieving so hard for a tree but there it was and it was terrible.
Now only this muddy spot remains. Like so many things I've lost along the way, I thought it would be here forever. I could replant in the spring but it won't be tall enough to reach my window in my lifetime-which is a whole other thing that you shouldn't be thinking about in the middle of the night.
Now that I've bummed everyone out, let me end on a happier note. On New Year's Eve I treated myself to a new pair of Crocs. They arrived yesterday afternoon. I've never had turquoise ones and just unwrapping them made my day a lot better. I'm going to make this a New Year's tradition. Every year a new color.