Sunday, April 19, 2020


 I spent most of yesterday watching the streaming of this.

I had a powerful Mrs. Miniver vibe as I stoically sat in my isolation shelter (the place where my kitchen used to be) drinking tea and calmly knitting away on sock after sock while listening to all the heartfelt messages of solidarity and hope. If Churchill had popped up to give a speech I wouldn't have been in the least surprised.

I was totally chill. I've been totally chill through this whole mess-and then this happened. They closed the show with Celine Dion, Lady Gaga and Andrea Bocelli singing.....The Prayer.

Oh, no. That's MY song. That's the soundtrack to all the grief I have struggled with over the years. I walked miles listening to it after my mother died. I walked more miles to it after losing all my dearly departed critters. I couldn't bring myself to even think about it when we lost Daddio. But there it was.

I didn't get one chorus in before something inside me broke and I bawled like I haven't bawled in a long while. I had a bad case of the ugly sobs that only a long cry in the tub could fix. I cried for my kids. I cried for my grandkids. I cried for me and The Mister. I cried and cried and cried.

I hadn't even realized I was sad. I've been mad-I thought. I spend all day ranting and raving at the TV or the radio or Twitter or the newspaper or.....whatever crosses my path that does not give me the answers I want.

I guess I should have expected it. I've been on high alert for weeks trying to stay one step ahead of disaster.

I think I need a break even though I'm not sure what that even looks like under the circumstances.


  1. It sure sounds like it. I'm sorry you had that experience. Or maybe I'm not. Maybe you really needed that hard, ugly cry. I hope it helped and that today will be a better day for you.
    I think many people are going to have long cries when this is all over.
    I'm praying for you tonight my friend.
    Blessings and hugs,

  2. Yes, I agree with Betsy. You needed that good cry. Hope you find peace as you stay safe. Thanks for sharing these feelings.

  3. All so very sadly true. I cried in the shower last night because my daughter told me her OH had dropped something off at his Mom's home and - while he has been stoic throughout everything - he suddenly became very very quiet for the next few hours. Things had hit his mind and heart that he'd been able to keep at bay for so long. For him to be "very quiet" is so unlike his usual outgoing, positive (loud talking) and happy personality. I think we'll all reach a point of these feelings. Stay well and you are loved.

  4. You are doing great. We are all taking IT differently on different days . I am limiting my news. I am making some surprise rocks to drop at friends mailboxes. Im trying to help two friends who are really struggling with other things ON TOP of this. And IM looking for good signs.

  5. We all have days of feeling sad. I think it is normal but I am not sure. Be kind to yourself...sometimes you just need a time out! :)

  6. Hug. I'm not a crier...rare event for me. I have sobbed over everything even remotely emotional on tv. I agree, it is grief. Stop watching the news (dr's orders, really!) and allow yourself time for grief. God is still in control even if it looks like He isn't.

  7. Those ugly cries can be soothing to the soul. I hope you are feeling better today. I had a breakdown the other day. I was supposed to have a day off from taking care of my MIL, my first day in 21 days... And my relief didn't show up. Oh, the fit I threw! Thankfully later that evening I got to get out for a few hours and again the next day. I feel rejuvenated and am now the proud owner of about $200 worth of chocolate, Cheetos and makeup I'll never use. LOL

  8. I'm glad I'm not the only one crying in my (oatmeal) bath lately. The loss of a parent is ever present and reinforced unexpectedly when hearing of all the recent losses around the globe. I see rainbow kitty and that awesome chicken in your next post so I'm hoping you're feeling better as I am too.
    ...Just keep breathing (swimming, ya know) TAK

  9. I cried when I herd that ending song, it was stunningly beautiful. I am sad to say but I am so happy my parents are not here to deal with this pandemic. I can't imagine trying to take care of them with all this going on and trying to keep them safe. Yesterday was the anniversary of my mom's death, six years and I still miss her very much. Stay safe.