Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Unforgivable


 Monday was the 16th anniversary of my mother's death-and I forgot.



 I know it's not a big deal. Sixteen years is a long time for someone to be gone but it upset me.




I hate that I don't remember much about her life anymore. I know more about her death. Those last few months were horrible. They changed me forever and not for the better.




She was only 66. I had just turned 50. I was not ready for that journey. I guess no one is.




And then there was this. An invitation from the funeral home to a memorial service for Daddio showed up. It's in honor of all the loved ones that departed this year. There will be a tree with an ornament with his name on it for the family to take home. I cried for a half hour after I opened it. I had just realized I was heading into the holiday season without any parents for the first time.




It also reminded me that my dear parents are still sleeping in my stash closet. I have yet to work up the courage to follow their last wishes which were to be put in their beloved Bay. Maybe next year? Maybe.


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10 comments:

  1. BetsyNovember 14, 2018 at 12:14 AM

    Ahh, my dear friend. My heart hurts for you. My Mom was 67 and I was just 29 when she passed and my Dad shortly after. From experience I know that you are never really ready to say goodbye. Maybe make a new tradition this holiday season...in their honor. You can do this. All of your friends out here in blogland are supporting you with love and through our prayers.
    Blessings always,
    Betsy

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  2. MelodyeNovember 14, 2018 at 8:49 AM

    Grieving is hard. Be gentle with yourself. As Betsy said, we're all here pulling for you.

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  3. WanderingcatstudioNovember 14, 2018 at 10:17 AM

    Grief is odd. It doesn't take a standard path. Just roll with it as best you can. And you know you have all of us when you need to talk about it.

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  4. VeraNovember 14, 2018 at 10:58 AM

    Ah Deb. I know what you mean. Be gentle with yourself and you will find a way to get through this. I like Betsy's idea of making a new tradition in your parents' honor.

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  5. Delighted HandsNovember 14, 2018 at 11:01 AM

    Sending a hug. I know you feel like you are walking alone, but you are not!

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  6. kathy bNovember 14, 2018 at 12:21 PM

    oh Deb. SUch sorrow . I love the scene of your mom in the boat. Perhaps more of those happy photos can be found. Grief is so difficult. You and your mom were close in age. She was just a young woman when she had you. Hugs. Thats al. Hugs. The pain is so hard.

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  7. ShirleyNovember 14, 2018 at 4:40 PM

    Your Mom was beautiful! Sending you a hug. Everyone has to grieve in their own way. Hoping the service at the funeral home will give you some joy.

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  8. Judy S.November 14, 2018 at 4:53 PM

    Hugs from me, too. Losing your parents is very hard for sure. The good memories help, but it's still hard.

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  9. JaneNovember 14, 2018 at 8:29 PM

    Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes the end of life journey is so awful it stays with you for a long time. Look at those happy photos and know that you had a wonderful Mom.

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  10. MeredithNovember 17, 2018 at 8:37 AM

    I forgot my Mather's death anniversary this year,I blame it on too much work. I remembered the day before but not on the actual day. I was upset when my sister reminded me. I think I have way too much on my plate. I miss her, my Dad too but I have been grieving for my Mom a long time as she was not well the last 8 years of her life. Give yourself a hug from me.

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