Happy New Year everyone! The Mister and I celebrated at our local Mexican place last night. I made it halfway through my blue margarita before I burst into tears and made a fool out of myself in a restaurant full of revelers. Oh, well. That's the one good thing about being old. No one really pays any attention to you anymore.
Christmas Eve with the Grands was lovely. I made my way through it without a sniffle and then cried all the way home. I put all my holiday stuff away the next morning. The Mister spent Christmas day with his family and I stayed home getting into mischief of the good kind.
This kind. The best way to move forward is to make a mess. A big mess. You should see my house. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.
I have to say what really saved my sanity was my giant bin of sock leftovers.
In those terrible days leading up to the dreaded holiday, I sat on the floor and mindlessly wound balls from my messy stash for hours.
I started a ZickZak with all the little balls. I'll probably never finish it but knowing it's there when I need it has been a help. I can't face the projects I was working on when I had my sweet girl sitting beside me.
I feel awful that I haven't done a proper memorial post to her but I just can't. This time it's anger mixed with grief and it's a terrible combination. 28 is young for a parrot. This photo was taken last January after the vet had just told me she was in perfect health. How quickly things can change. I feel like a failure which I know is silly. Cancer is what cancer is. I couldn't save my mom and I couldn't save my bird. I'm sure the overlap is what did me in this time. I read somewhere how grief is cumulative and I believe it.
I also want to say thank you for all your kind words. I read them over and over and over. They always made me cry and feel better at the same time. We've all been here. Feathers or fur-love is love.
See you tomorrow.
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Oh Debra, I’ SO gladness to see you back. I’ve been thinking of you and praying for you every day since you told us the news. I think your Zick Zack blanket is a wonderful meditative project.
ReplyDeleteMuch love and Blessings my friend,
Betsy
I've had a lot of grief in my life and I believe as you do, that it is cumulative. I always carry it with me....all of it. It is what it is. Some days are better than others. We somehow get through it but it never leaves. Huge hugs and wishes for an awesome 2019!
ReplyDeleteOur hearts ache with you...
ReplyDeleteBut it will be a new year and a time of looking forward strengthened by all the love you have known and will know!
I missed you. Happy New Year. I’m super glad you’re back. 😎😎😎 (seajaes)
ReplyDeleteMay 2019 be filled with healing, peace and good memories
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you are back. If it's too soon, take your time and come back when you are ready.
ReplyDeleteWe will be here with open arms. :)
-Mary S
Welcome back and Happy New Year. That blue margarita looks delicious!! Good to "hear" your voice again.
ReplyDeleteHoping 2019 will be a much better year. Love is love.
ReplyDeletegrief is personal to everyone who has the capacity to love ... and love is something we 'just do' ... whether we are loving a family member who is fur, feather, fin, or flesh- my husband died almost years ago, and i am usually my 'normal' laughing self ... but there are still sudden moments when i think i cannot stand this another second- i send you my wishes for peace and comfort-
ReplyDeleteI admire your strength in Moving Forward with such Purpose. And yes, I agree that Grief Is Cumulative, like so many intense emotions. Best Wishes to you in 2019.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I was very excited when I saw a new post this morning! I can understand the sudden rush of emotion so well; it can hit anytime, anywhere and it can hit hard. Doing "mindless" chores can be a comfort - winding wool, cleaning counters - whatever helps to pass the time in a bit of peaceful and thoughtless but useful busywork. Love is love and it all counts in this world.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back! Cry as much as you need to, and we're always here when you need a friendly ear.
ReplyDeleteAnd keeping busy always helps!
It was good to see your post today. I have thought of you often during the last few weeks. It sounds like you are "doing as well as can be expected". There was a time when I thought that was such a trite statement but, unfortunately, I have learned that it sometimes sums up the situation perfectly. I am glad you had a wonderful time with your grandchildren. For me, mindless chores can be very therapeutic. Although from the photo of the tools, you have been doing more than mindless chores. Wonder what you are renovating. Take care. Hope 2019 will bring you much joy, peace and happiness!
ReplyDeleteWe are here for you my friend, every step of the way. Grief is just a horrible emotion, but you have to move through it not avoid it or it dwells in you forever. Take your time, cry, scream, do what you need to do and know we are all here for you.
ReplyDeleteLoss is a very hard thing to adjust to. I love the Jewish saying about death: May his/her memory be a blessing. We are blessed to having people and animals to love and be loved by. Sometimes all we can do is accept that gratitude for them is enough. We are all thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteGrief is a journey with many paths and detours, and it's different for every person. Wishing you all the best as you work your way through it.
ReplyDeleteNice to see your post today - sometimes just doing what is "normal" helps a lot (at least for me). Hang in there...
ReplyDeleteI'm just catching up and I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a lot of grief for anyone. I'm glad you had a nice holiday with your grands. I'm sending you best wishes on sorting all the projects out. You're never still!
ReplyDelete