Thursday, September 26, 2013

Checking In

In case you are wondering how I am holding up, I'll let some of my new best friends tell you how I'm doing:

Aurora Greenway/Shirley Maclean in Terms of Endearment
"I'm so stupid...somehow I thought that when she finally went that it would be a relief. Oh, my sweet little darling...there's nothing harder."

All those things I couldn't do while I was caring for my old doggie these past long months don't seem very important anymore. At times I felt resentful so working through that tiny residual of guilt has been a bit of a challenge. I feel bad when I try to make myself feel better so making myself miserable makes me feel better. Got that?

M''Lynn Eatenton/Sally Field in Steele Magnolias
"We should handle it in the best way we know how and get on with it. That's what my mind says. I wish somebody'd explain it to my heart."

Being a retired, empty-nester has made this loss harder than any pet that came before. It is the loneliness that is hardest to bear. We did everything together. Someone once said " life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies". I don't think so. And no-there isn't going to be a puppy in my future. I can't go through this again in my mid 70's. If they come up with a dog that lasts forever, I'm in, until then, I'm out.

Thankfully, my pity party has been kindly tolerated by all those who depend on me. My wonderful kids even sent me a giant basket of junk food to ease the grieving process. Each day is gets a little better and I have found great comfort in a new knitting project that I will share later. I hadn't the heart to pick up any of  the ones I had been working on in those last weeks with Dear Old Doggie draped across my lap so I went in search of some inspiration and found it in some charity knitting. I am too tired and lazy to get up off the couch and take photos of it at the moment but I have promised myself that Friday will be the end of my official mourning period. On Saturday I get to see the Grandbaby and then on Sunday there is a local fiber fest. If that can't pull me out of my funk-nothing can.
Thanks to everyone who sent their condolences, they were much appreciated.

Just a reminder that all these in between posts were pre-written and pre-posted. I don't want you to think I am sad one day and  fine the next. I've kinda lost it but I'm not that crazy-yet. My next real-time post will be Monday when hopefully, I will tell you all about the Shenandoah Valley Fiber Fest.


  1. I feel so bad for you because I so know what your going through. I had to break down and get another puppy...just couldn't manage without that little Yorkie little Eli went every where with me for seventeen years. Life was just to empty without him. Of course there are no fiber fests here in the middle of no where to help fill the void. Louie has brought back the joy and I'm trying real hard not to think about how I'm going to handle another loss when his time comes. I'm just going to enjoy every minute I have with him and hope that by then my son will have moved me to DC where there's plenty of fiber festivals to keep me busy. :-) Although I'm such a sap....I'd prolly still want another puppy.

  2. Probably won't really be an official end to this as Dear Old Doggie will be visiting your thoughts and heart for ever.
    When my Otis and I went through this...he was blind and 18 years old a little funny mutt...I thought that same feeling of when it is over it will be better, for him, for me, for hubby, No it was awful. I know the guilt your talking about. I think it is not at all uncommon to think it will be a relief. Above all even the most giving human heart is out for self preservation, but in the end it is just a heart. A broken one. Dear Old Doggie will be there for you waiting a long time from now when your heart is really old and stops it's frantic beating. There she will be.
    I don't know if it is possible to live a dogless life. The grandson will certainly be a great benefit on Saturday and make you smile. The junk food will be consumed. Then there will still be that space .....wide open and waiting for a pup.... don't completely shut the door on that space..not yet.

  3. IT takes really does. I cried two pairs of tear plugs out when huck died. Its okay....go hug a shelter puppy that needs a hug but DONT take him home. Or just foster...that is a huge help to shelters!!

  4. That's definitely the downside to pets! too short a lifespan.

  5. Oh Araignee - I feel for you.... It's so hard. It's been 5 years since I lost my cat (who seriously was convinced he was a dog - I'm talking fetching sticks, walking on a lead) He was 19, he was diabetic, he was wonderful... I still miss him...

    Take good care of yourself - I'm sending hugs from the otherside of the pond... xxxx